Battle of the Audio Canal
For the past seven days, I’ve been feeling like I just stepped off the teacups at Disneyland after Andre the Giant shared it with me and spun it off the rails. To say remaining upright is a challenge is an understatement.
When I was pregnant with my daughter, instead of morning sickness, I often felt faint. I may have passed out once or twice, I can’t remember. Before that, the only other time I passed out was at the doc’s office after a reaction to some meds. But before that, I experienced the one and only time I was so drunk I couldn’t see straight. Damn that cheap wine. We’re talking spinning rooms, lolling head, body made of rubber, incapable of sitting up in our booth at Golden West. I kept slipping on down to the floor.
I remember that night quite vividly because it was brought back to me last week when I began feeling dizzy for a few seconds every so often as I got ready for work.
I thought it would pass so I soldiered on, drove to work – except I had to pull over once when a dizzy spell hit. The reason I didn’t turn around and just go home is because of all the fecking days for this to happen, it was the day I needed to help man my newspaper’s booth at the new State Fair and get a live chat going. I had shit to do and I really thought it was a passing thing. Until I arrived at work.
I made it to my desk, feeling a bit hot and the dizziness was starting to become a steady thing. I sat down hard at my desk and leaned to the left, unable to get my bearings. Things began spinning and I began getting scared. I couldn’t think straight. Should I tell a coworker who was chatting nearby? Did I need to go to the ER? How could I get there? But I needed to get to the Fair. More spinning. Tears. Decide to call Grampa and ask for help. He had to get dressed and get down to me, and by that time my boss had come over to say hello and noticed I was not doing well.
From then on it was a blur of being helped to the bathroom because I was pretty sure I was going to throw up and absolutely did not want to puke at my desk in front of everyone. But I couldn’t walk without help. So now, I’m mortified and probably freaking people out but I made it to the bathroom, locked the stupid door out of habit and tried what I used to do when I felt faint when pregnant, which was run ice cold water over my wrists. No good though, and the puking began.
So now I’m making horrendous noises – and I can’t stress this enough: I HATE THROWING UP. It scares me when I have no control over my own body. And I am seriously regretting eating oatmeal for breakfast. I will probably never eat it again.
I hear people outside asking if I need help and I can’t remember if I answered. I just remember someone saying they needed the key because I must not have been able to make it to the door to unlock it.
Somehow the door was opened and my wonderful coworkers helped me to my grampa’s car. Pretty sure I was apologizing left and right. Probably crying. I was so embarrassed to cause such a scene, and added to that was I was miserable at the Fair.
Before I carry on, I just want to thank Sarah, Deb, George, Jack and anyone else who was there very much for your help. I also appreciated the well-wishes and offers of help this past week. It really meant a lot to me.
My grampa seemed to take the loooooong way to the hospital but eventually we made it and I ended up on my side on a bed, hooked to an IV as valium and something called zophran was dripped into me along with saline. God the spinning, it wouldn’t stop. I froze as the second bag of saline dripped and discovered the amazingness of the Heated Blanket. Threw up again after sneaking a sip of water. My mouth was so damn dry.
And after all that drama, the doctor pretty much said there wasn’t much that could be done other than ride it out. I got a prescription for Antivert which is given to people suffering from Vertigo – something I’ve never been afflicted with – and then he sent me home.
I slept. And slept. and then when I was tired of sleeping, I slept some more. I looked at my prescription: “May cause drowsiness.” Well fuck.
It is now a week later, and I am *still* having dizzy moments if I turn my head too fast, and I haven’t left my apartment but once when I decided to try walking down to the mailbox yesterday. I don’t need to hold the walls anymore when I walk around, unless I turn my head too fast and then I have a little oops moment where I might tumble over. But I haven’t felt nauseated since last Monday and I’m eating okay. Tonight I cooked a proper dinner and did all right until the end when I got a bit overwhelmed with dizziness and had to sit quickly.
But I can work on the computer now without feeling icky, which is pretty much my job, so after Labor Day tomorrow, I will go back to work. I can sit at my desk and stare at my screen and I should be fine.
I stopped taking the meds yesterday though. 1. So very tired of being asleep and 2. I felt like they just treated the symptoms and not the cause, so I am seeing how I do without them. So far, I feel about the same, just less sleepy.
I am so very tired of the dizziness though. I can’t stress that enough either. I don’t like this feeling. I didn’t like it that night I got so drunk I couldn’t see straight and I don’t like it now. It’s frightening.
Last night as I was falling asleep at 2am (have I mentioned how out-of-whack my schedule is?) I thought I could try some kind of visualization stuff. I I closed my eyes, held still and I pictured my inner ear. I have no idea what it looks like for real, but in my mind it’s all rather dayglo-y and an evil glowing blue blob has attached itself to my ear canal and it’s laughing an evil laugh as it tricks my brain into thinking it’s at sea. So I pictured millions of my white blood cells attacking the crap out of it. It was an epic battle but I think I fell asleep too soon so I’ve no idea how it turned out. I’m still dizzy though so I’m guessing the white blood cells are regrouping and preparing a frontal attack tonight.
Why am I blogging about this, especially when I haven’t blogged here in forever? I want to sort of document it in case it happens again. I don’t know what caused it, or why it came on so suddenly (the doctor told me this often happens to people out of the blue which is just weird to me.) I don’t know if I have some kind of infection I can’t feel inside my ear, or if this is the onset of a chronic problem (better not be!) or if this will clear up as mysteriously as it started and never happen again. I do keep hoping I’ll wake up and my stupid ear will have popped or something and I’ll be fine. No luck so far.
But I’m armed for battle tonight. Look out evil blue glowing blob, I’m going to kick your ass.