Blah. That’s how I’ve been. Just blah. But it too, shall pass. Lately I’ve been doing a few projects, one being letters to my mum in blog form. I kind of like it. It felt a little weird at first, writing to her, but after a while I found it kind of therapeutic. I finished up Meechie’s page after finally settling on a design I liked and that fit the wonderful pic of Meech that Leonie from my forums drew for me. She rocks. So Meechie’s sister saw his page and now apparently I need to put together a page for “his own flesh and blood” whom I neglected to link to 🙂 “Oh no she di-in’t” was the exact quote I believe 🙂 Hehehe.. So I’m waiting for her to send me some pics and I’ll put something together for them.
Today I had to go to a four hour orientation (or re-orientation rather) at work. *yawn*. No matter how they try to jazz it up, it’s still sitting on a hard plastic chair for four hours listening to people talk about things like ‘Emtala’ and ‘Bio-hazard’ safety. I understand that some of this stuff is important to know, but I don’t see the need to take 4 bloody hours out of my work day to go through it all. It can all be done in increments via the web. Oh well, til that glorious day, I have to sit through torture once a year. At least now I can have my job evaluation Friday and then get my raise next paycheck 🙂 I can’t believe I’ve been at the hospital almost four years already. This is the longest I’ve ever worked in one place 🙂 Not that I’m a job-hopper mind you. I just moved a lot, got better job offers, took time out to go to college etc.
Anyway, quick blog tonight.
I was about to go to bed but I feel so wretched I thought if I blogged I’d get it out of my system and be able to sleep. Today was a rotten day, but not for any real reason that I can pin down. I should have enjoyed it more as it was nice and rainy all day, something we’ve not had much of this summer. I guess it started at lunch when one of my co-workers came into the office I share with another girl. She came in, invited her to lunch and off they went. They do this a lot really. It kind of bothers me that they don’t ask me if I want to go with them. They only go to the cafeteria down the hall. I don’t know why it bothers me so much. I don’t even like eating in the cafeteria. If I eat lunch at all I eat at my desk. Maybe they know that and just figured I’d say no anyway. But I’d still like to be asked I guess.
So anyway, I felt somewhat out of sorts when I came home. Then on TCZ one of the retired admin totally goes off on me in the BBS (bulletin board are, publicly viewed by all users) and says a few really mean-spirited things. In a thread about the pros and cons of fullscreen vs. widescreen DVDs of all places. I misinterpreted what I thought was a sarky comment he made – but to be honest I’ve known this guy for years and his dislike of me and paranoia where I’m concerned is well-known by most of the regulars. Anyway it’s hard to explain how the whole thing escalated without giving a big background about him and I really can’t be arsed. Suffice to say I explained that if he didn’t mean to be sarky then fine, it was just how I interpreted it and then he posted a response that was pretty much one long personal insult that had nothing to do with the topic or the misunderstanding of the comment. I’m guessing he’s had it pent up for months now and saw his chance to vent at me now that he’s no longer and admin. He’s always thought I’ve “had it in” for him for some reason. I’ll admit to disliking him but I can’t say I’ve spent any kind of time plotting ways to make him believe I’m trying to get at im whenever I can. He misinterprets my disagreements with his opinions as me getting at him.
Ohhh.. whatever. It’s really too convoluted and messy to explain. I’m not trying to say I’m entirely innocent in this situation, but I don’t think anything I said warranted a personal attack. But it bothered me to the point of making me feel really awful at being completely misunderstood for so long and the futility of trying to explain myself to him frustrates me. I hate it when people dislike me for invalid reasons. And of course he posts his little attack and promptly logged off without extending the courtesy of waiting around to see my reply and by the time he came back I had debated with myself and removed all of the posts. So he never saw my reply. And he got the satisfaction of goading me into deleting it. Argh. So that’s totally worsened my mood and I just want to cry.
I feel sad. I’m not really sure why but I just feel like I could cry at the drop of a hat. Is that depression? I don’t feel particularly depressed. I have my usual worries – money being the chief one but I’m not in dire straits. I have been thinking of my mother a lot lately. The other night I couldn’t stop myself from seeing her lying dead in the ER. I hate that that was my last image of her. I’m really missing her right now. I was watching some movie today (what else is new) and one of the characters in it found it therapeutic to write letters to his absent father. He never sent them but it felt good to write them anyway. Maybe I could adapt that idea into a blog. Maybe that would help. I’ll think about it.
Maybe I’m just tired. Or maybe I need a distraction. I think I’ll go clean another closet… wait a minute… The other day I cleaned one of my closets out and found a lot of my mother’s things that I’ve never gone through. I couldn’t do it so soon after she died, but felt okay about it the other day. I found a lot of old letters from boyfriends, some articles she wrote for my local paper back in the 60s, old photos, sympathy cards from when my father passed away… Maybe that’s what’s setting me off and making me feel sad. Has to be because I can’t think of any other reason.. Maybe I won’t go clean a closet out right now.
Now my nose is bleeding. God this weekend has been weird.
*Yawn* I’m sleepy. It’s only 6 in the evening but I could do with a nap. The kidlet and I had LOTR day and watched Fellowship and Two Towers back to back. Good way to kill a day 🙂 Can’t wait to be able to watch all three back to back. Anyway, we picked a good day to do it as well, since it rained most of the day. Finally. I love it when it rains and it doesn’t do it nearly enough here for my tastes.
I think the munchkin’s coming down with a cold which is kind of sucky. She wants to try for perfect attendance at school (my little nerd :D) this year so I’m keeping her medicated and tucked up in bed to try and head whatever she’s got off at the pass. Nebraska’s been hit bad with West Nile Virus this year and my county, I believe, has the highest number of cases of it. The other day I noticed a bite on her arm but we couldn’t decide if it was a spider bite or mosquito bite. Now she’s stuffed up and slightly feverish. Oh dear oh dear…
When she was one, she came down with pneumonia and had to be in hospital for a few days with an IV and spent most of her time in a plastic tent that spurted mist all over her. It was the most heartbreaking thing I’ve ever had to go through with her. I was a new mom watching my little girl lay listlessly in the tent with an IV sticking out of her. I felt helpless because she couldn’t understand why she had to stay in there. Anyway, I’d hate for her to have to go back into the hospital because of this west nile thing. Poor kid.
She’s dozing right now. I think I’ll go check on her.
I just got the coolest program called ‘Starry Night Backyard’. It’s beautiful and I’m really quite excited about it. I should preface this a little and mention my growing interest in astronomy. Well, I’ve always enjoyed it but never really pursued it because it can be an expensive hobby. And I have my cousin to blame for re-igniting my interest in it – that and the fact that my daughter’s really taken with it as well. She’s so clever.
Anyway, this program has you program the Longitude and Latitude of your location and then it will project stars, planets, constellations, satellites and comets at any point in time – either past, present or future. You can “visit” other planets/stars, magnify them, learn their coordinates, check the zodiac constellations… It’s just really bloody cool. The kidlet is going to get so much use out of it for school.
I just finished watching Apollo 13 for the hundredth time. I own the video but I love when they show it on the History channel because Jim Lovell is interviewed during commercial breaks. It’s an amazing film really, and even though I know perfectly well how it ends, I still end up crying like a baby when they make it back home. Rick’s got a couple of videos of all the Apollo missions that I guess just play all of the communications from mission control to the crafts. Can’t wait to borrow that from him.
The weather’s finally cooling off. It was actually chilly out this morning which brought a smile to my face. Summer’s nearly over – yay! The first Husker game was today, hockey season’s starting up, the nights are cold, and the leaves are slowly beginning to change. I’m looking forward to this fall and winter.
Another truly MTV moment with Madonna snogging Britney Spears and Christina Aguilara. I want to look like Madonna when I’m 40-something. Damn. I have no clue why I watched the MTV video awards tonight. I hadn’t seen a single one of the videos that won. I mean really, MTV stopped showing videos ages ago and sold out to sponsors and doesn’t play much of anything I identify with. Why bother? I guess I’d heard some of the hype about what Madonna and Britney were up to and thought I’d check it out. And it was kiind of cool to see my Duran Duran all onstage (all the original members – damn Roger Taylor still looks hot.) But the rap and the hip hop.. I just don’t get it. I couldn’t understand a damn word any of them were saying. The beats were nice, but well.. I dunno not my thing. Beyonce’s performance was pretty cool.
Anyway enough of that. I watched the VMAs and I don’t know why. I think I’m getting old. I *was* going to go swimming tonight one final time before they closed the pools over Labour Day but instead the fuckheads closed last week 🙁 I guess they close them when school starts. But you know what? IT’S STILL BLOODY HOT OUTSIDE!! It was so disappointing. Now I suppose free skates at the rink will be closed down soon due to hockey starting up soon. Bah.
I bought Meechie his very own domain name for his bday this week. I was really stumped on what to get him. He has everything – the boy is loaded up on Versace and Dolce and drives a Passat. Yeesh. He’s difficult to shop for to say the least. But I think I did good this year as he loves his website. My other best friend Kat was gorgeous enough to host it for me so on his bday he loaded up Meechieman.com and was genuinely chuffed to find it existed 🙂 Whee that was fun.
Mars was at it’s finest last night. I’ve never seen it so bright. My cousin’s really getting me interested in astronomy. I’ll never be more than an amature at it – I don’t even have a scope. Maybe I’ll invest in one next time I come into some cash. The kid and I really enjoy perusing the night skies.
I was going to write more but suddenly my eyes are drooping, so off to bedfordshire I go.