Ridiculous Thoughts

So here I am blogging away on a Friday morning. I have a grand plan to update all my blogs today. Yes I know I’m at work and I should be working on Radiology stuff but… but.. Radiology is boring the pants off of me. It looks like it will be a big section but I’ve just been told that I should ensure the content is understandable to a 6th grader. How the fuck do I do that? I’m no good at editing. *sigh* I’ll figure it out I suppose, but damn I need some more schooling just to work out what a ‘modality’ is.

‘Chicago’ came out on DVD this week. Been waiting for that one – such a good flick. I’m not normally a huge fan of musicals. They’re okay and there are certain ones I do love (‘Cabaret’ for instance) but mostly I find it hard to believe a story can just stop while the actors burst into song. But ‘Chicago’ is really well done and clever AND the music is fantastic. Next week though… ohhh next week… ‘Two Towers’ finally comes to DVD. Oh happy day. Now I can delete it off my computer 😀 hehehehe…. Seriously though I am so looking forward to it and yes I will be buying it next week as well as the extended version due out in November. Why? Because I can. I don’t think you have a clue how much these films mean to me. I don’t even know myself. I just love them so much. The books have always been special to me for as long as I can remember and Peter Jackson is just a god in my eyes because he’s brought them to life so well. So I will happily give them my money if it means I get to watch these brilliant movies whenever I want. Why did I download it then? Because I want to watch it whenever I want 🙂 I HATE waiting for movies to come out on DVD. I am not a patient person.

It just occurred to me that I’m not writing this blog like a diary, I’m writing it like a letter to someone. I wonder if that defeats the purpose of a journal where you write down your deepest darkest stuff. Maybe having an audience takes away from that. Who knows. Who cares really. Wow talk about a subject change. Anyway, I’m going to get back to my Radiology shite. *yawn*

What is the fascination men have with breasts I wonder. The latest trend on TCZ is to have everyone get on their webcams and then the girls flash everyone. Woohoo. Fine if you’re a promiscuous chick with nice tits, but I’m having trouble seeing the appeal. Maybe at first the guys are thinking, ‘These girls are obtainable! I could shag one of these birds at the next meet because look! They let me look at their boobs!’ I guess I can see the novelty of it. But after a few hours of staring at other people on a webcam with no sound, the novelty wears off. At least for me. Sunday night a bunch of us were doing the cam thing and several spods were quite drunk (not me of course, as a) I had no alcohol in the house and b) I don’t drink much) but it didn’t take long for the shirts to come off and the boob brigade to begin. I was under enormous pressure to join in myself, especially since the bloke pressuring me is awfully cute – but he was sat next to a half-naked girl IRL so I didn’t see the point. That and of course my daughter was flitting about the place so it wouldn’t have been very mom-like of me to get my tits out on cam.

I don’t think I would have even if I’d been alone. I don’t want to be viewed as one of ‘those’ girls. Sounds awfully bitchy of me, but it’s a girl thing really. There are a few chicks on TCZ who pretty much go to meets just for the chance to get their tops off for the lads. While I applaud the fact that they are comfortable with themselves enough to enjoy doing that, I don’t think they understand what sort of label they’re giving themselves by other females. Or maybe they do understand but could care less. Should any of those girls read this obscure little blog and take offense, realise I am not saying there is anything wrong with having fun and frankly – if you’ve got a nice rack and have no hangups about nudity then more power to you. I’m just saying there’s going to be a stigma attached to you. It’s not nice, it’s not fair but it’s there. Some less-than-liberal females might tend to think the boob-girls are tarts and slappers and look on them with disdain.

While I don’t agree with that stigma, I also don’t think I want to subject myself to it just to give some guys I’ll probably never see IRL a cheap thrill. I think I like to leave it up to the imagination. Sometimes sexy is what you have on that highlights what’s underneath rather than just a peepshow. So monster, if you ever read this, I’m not getting the tits out on cam whether the kidlet’s home or not 🙂 Of course this means my webcam is boring and my viewers drop off quickly when they realise I’m not getting naked. Oh well 🙂

I meant to write about how boobs are kind of boring to look at but I sort of went off on a tangent 🙂 Anyway… Boobs are kind of dull. Sure there are different shapes and sizes but the basic ingredients are there for most of them: nipples, areolas and a certain amount of squishiness. Some have tanlines, others are pale. But really.. what good is looking at them if you can’t get at them? Ohhhh I suppose it’s nice to have something to think about late at night in bed. Alone. Or maybe something else to think about while in bed with someone who doesn’t quite have the set you’d like. Or even in bed with a set you like but you want more for variety 🙂

Oh who knows why guys like looking at them. Guys are weird.

I really meant to update this sooner Leigh, I swear it 🙂 So this blog’s for you 😉

It’s been a busy week. Work, pounding migraine, ice skating, dinners out of town, the discovery that there is a beer or two I can actually drink without grimacing, a memorial service, and other stuff. I’ve acquired an exercise bike and a printer. I sorted out a major money problem and managed to have dosh left over to buy school supplies and now it’s Friday. The big blackout of 2003 has wreaked havoc on the Internet at work as our servers are actually in Philadelphia so I have a valid reason to work from home today. Woohoo!

I’m really chuffed with myself regarding the ice skating. Earlier this year I took the kid and her friend to the rink in Kearney and I managed to stumble around the ice one time before I gave up. I couldn’t get my balance and I felt so embarrassed that I had to hug the wall as I went around while everyone else swooshed on by. I used to skate a lot when I was younger and was quite good. But I hadn’t been in ohhhh, 15 years at least. Obviously it was not like riding a bike. So when the opportunity came this week to go again, I was actually dreading it. The guy we went with plays hockey and has been skating for over 10 years and so of course I was afraid of looking like an eejit in front of him.

However, I tried a different type of blade this time and little by little, the confidence came back! Soon I was one of the ones swooshing past and feeling so graceful and exhilerated. It was a blast! Ohh I just loved it. I can’t wait to go again. The rink has open skating most evenings and it’s only 5 bucks to get in. It’s going to be the perfect exercise to replace swimming once the pools close for the year. My only whinge is that I wish I didn’t have to drive 40 miles to do it. Ah well, it’s worth it to me.

Oh the problem turend out that the first time I skated that was such a disaster, I had rented the skates with a toepick on the front of the blade. They kept catching the ice and making me feel clumsy and as if I was about to fall over with each glide of the skate. This time I got the smooth blades and that totally made all the difference.

Anyway, so that’s been my week. I spent some time happily watching the Bomo spods at the big TCZ meet last weekend – thanks to Matt and his webcams. I can’t belive they played Twister at 3 in the morning. Crazy kids. Had a nice big blowout amongst the reds and the admin on Sunday that was just no fun to clean up and deal with and it ended up disrupting the big meet somewhat which was uncool. Then spent the week just having fun and hanging out. We had a short memorial service for my aunt out at the cemetery which was nice. It will be nice to have a place to visit for her.

And that’s about it. Fun eh?

I’m diggin’ the scrolly bars on here 🙂 I’m so clever. No really – I am 🙂

Spent today getting my webcam working. Somewhere amongst my blogs is a woeful tale of the Big Crash that killed the drivers for it. I meant to fix them after it happened but well, then I bought a digital camera and just played with that instead. Now the digital cam is tucked away and I want my cam back up for various reason. One of them being I can keep an eye on the place while I’m at work. Every now and then Spooky wanders in front of the camera and sniffs it which makes for amusing views.

I’ve only got one week left of staying home one day a week and working. Poo. I swear they’re sending the kids back earlier and earlier every year. She goes back on the 20th – nearly 2 weeks before labour day. The pools aren’t even shut that early. Ah well. Will have to psych myself up for it again. I love my job, I really do. I think my biggest issue is having to get up at 6am. Morning person? Me? No way. I’m not fully awake til at least 10am and even that that’s stretching it. I am definitely a night person.

Not much to report right now. I’ve got to do laundry and tidy the place up but have I done any of that? Nope. Must add ‘stop procrastinating’ to my to-do list. I’ll bet anything though that the mood will strike me at about 9pm to hoover or something. Laundry is best done on Sunday anyway. Everyone in the building is in church so the machines are free 🙂 Anyway, I’m boring myself with this entry so I can imagine what it must be like for anyone reading it.

Ok so… I got a little bored this morning and tweaked this blog a little. Nothing major. I still have an urge to completely makeover ukmelia.com aswell but I haven’t found a look I like yet. I’m feeling better today, I’m just gonna deal with the issue and move on. I get so sick of going to pieces when money becomes an issue. I mean, fuck sake, I’m *cough cough* years old and I’ve been in tighter spots so what is the big deal? Bill Bryson’s father used to tell him, ‘There’s always someone who is worse off than you.’ and he used to think, ‘So?’ But I can see hid dad’s point. I could be living in a car and dumpster diving for dinner.

So tonight, I shall take the kidlet to the pool and we’ll stay there until it closes. We’ll have a good time and get totally worn out. Then we’ll come home and try to catch the International Space Station passing overhead before collapsing in bed. Then I promised to rent ‘What a Girl Wants’ for her. Typical teen cheese movie but Colin Firth is in it. Yum yum. Eye candy for mum.

Next week we’re having a service for my aunt. My uncle finally decided to buy a spot for her ashes at a cemetery, so the family is going to gather and Reverend Karen who officiated at her funeral will say a few words and then it’s back to my grandparents for strawberry shortcake. Kind of an odd evening but then my granny is rather odd. My cousin’s coming down for this and is staying the week so we’ve made some plans to take my daughter ice skating (he plays goalie for a hockey team up in Wisconsin) so they will skate around and I will fall down a lot. I’m not the most graceful person in the world 🙂 Rick’s also bringing his telescope down as Mars is supposed to be particularly bright next week and there’s also a meteor shower going on so the kid will enjoy that a lot – so will I for that matter, I love looking at the stars.

Anyway, off I go. Just got some fabulous new graphics software I want to play with.

Sometimes, life sucks. Truly. You get lulled into a false sense of security and contentment, only to have the rug pulled out from under you when you least expect it. I do hate to prattle on about my woes. Sometimes it seems like that’s all I do here. last time I got to feeling like this I ended up blogging about the positive things in my life and that made me feel better. Maybe I’ll end this one like that. Right now I need to vent.

Two years ago I consolidated my student loans so that I wouldn’t have to make a million different payments to different loan companies. Or so I thought. Apparently I still had one loan on the loose that has been accruing interest and no payments. Their attempts to contact me were fruitless, mainly because I refuse to call people back if, when they leave a message, they don’t tell me where they are from. I also don’t open mail if it doesn’t say who the letter is from. I get so much junk, half of which is generic-looking and marked urgent only to open it and find out that it’s only urgent I apply for their credit card. Now, loan companies are notoriously devious and sneaky and send letters in generic, non-marked envelopes, or by calling and dodging the question when I ask where they’re from.

So that’s my defense on why I didn’t know about this loan. Anyway, I got a call this morning telling me that my loan is in default and they are about to begin garnishing my wages to the tune of $300 per month if I don’t come up with $1300 now, and then make $75 payments. I cannot afford to lose $300 out of my paychecks – if that happened I’d be right back where I was when I first started my job and that’s struggling to pay the rent and buy food for me and the kid. I was just getting my head above the water. So fine, the payment schedule sounds good to me and I’m fine with that, but then there is the $1300 down payment hurdle. I’ve just paid all the usual bills so I’m not flush – where the fuck am I going to get $1300??? No I do not have rich relatives or friends I can ask – nor would I. I’ve borrowed money when I was desperate from a very good friend and it felt awful. Anyway I do have options. I’m not happy about them and it might mean my xmas trip to Cali is off, and my car payment will be late next month but I can scrape up the cursed $1300. *sigh*

I went to college for 2 years and I will be paying on these fucking loans until I die. As soon as I get this thing out of default it’s getting consolidated.

So now I’m bummed and feel poor again. Tonight I will toss and turn and try to add money up in my head and figure out ways to get the damn bellydancer to pay me the money she owes me. I won’t get any sleep and tomorrow I’ll be a wreck at work. Time to distract the brain before be methinks. Maybe I’ll leave the telly on all night.

So I was going to end this on a positive note. I have many bright spots in my life right now. My grandfather is okay, my daughter is beautiful and healthy. Next week I get to go ice-skating and watch the meteor shower. I love my job and the people I work with. The summer has been abnormally mild – yes it’s been damn hot but not the killer it usually is – and my AC is still working. I have good friends whom I love, my sister is thinking of going for her Master’s degree, another friend of mine is going to go for his (I just think that’s so impressive when people do that – if I ever get my loans paid off and become a successful web designer, I’ll do it too!), my best mate’s salon business is growing, and my movie site is doing well. Not too bad.. Someday, this will all be 20 years ago and when I look at shit problems like this loan thing that way, it doesn’t seem so bad.

Well my grandad is back home now and he looks great – tho my granny will not let him nap in his chair anymore 🙂 Which has in turn meant that he sleeps great at night. Go figure. But it’s kind of odd now, it’s like we’ve been given a second chance but in a surreal weird kind of way. When I see him now I can’t help but think that he might not have made it. It’s so morbid 🙁 So he gets extra hugs and kisses all the time now.

We did a little shopping for the grandparents over the weekend and checked to make sure he was getting on all right. Then we mostly stayed in this weekend. Very hot around here – humid etc.. I hate going to the pool on the weekend because of the crowds – no fun to swim when all you’re really doing is dodging innertubes and splashy kids. So we go later in the evening during the week and practically have it all to ourselves. Anyway, so we rented some videos. Avoid Solaris at all costs. That is an hour and a half I’ll never get back. Horrible film and even George Clooney’s naked bum did nothing for me. There was very little I wanted to rent this weekend so I ended up getting pretty much all shite movies. Kangaroo Jack could have been funnier if Disney had done it. There were a few chuckles but it was mostly shite. I’ve got Jurassic Park 3 and Die Another Day left to watch. Dunno if I’m all that enthused about either.

What else is happening… Not much… Had a lovely chat with an old friend over the weekend which was nice. I love it when that happens. Took the kidlet for a haircut which turned out rather nice despite my inability to convey what kind of style I wanted to see on her. Hairdressers usually intimidate me. Even Meechie somewhat. My best friend and I still feel silly if I ask him to do my hair a certain way. But as I don’t get to have him as my stylist very often it’s not really an issue.

I also think I may be losing my mind a little. Friday, I got out of the shower and dried off etc, got dressed. Went to work, wondered in passing why I had such a tremendous wedgie. Sorted it out when I got to my office and went about my routine. Went to the caf for brekkie, came back with the same wedgie and then it hit me, I had put my knickers on backwards. What a dolt. Then this morning I got dressed flitted about the house getting ready to go to work when I realised I had put my shirt on inside out. I thnk I might be slightly mad, but I think I’m going to call myself eccentric if I go out in public with my knickers on backwards and my shirt inside out.