That's not My Fault!

My mom said today just wasn't my day.
But just because when I got up this morning and went into the bathroom to brush my teeth and somebody (I don't know who) had left the cap off of the toothpaste tube and it was all gunky and crusty so I had to squeeze it extra hard and it SPLURTED out and doodled up the mirror...

That's not my fault.

And just because the sun got up way too early this morning and I couldn't stop yawning at the breakfast table and I poured salt on my Toasted Wheat Corn Nutties instead of sugar...

That's not my fault.

And just because today was a perfect day to go roller skating (which I did) and it was also a perfect day for Mr. Kenney our neighbor to wash his brand new car (which he did) and my skates got all tangled up in his garden hose and I ended up in his wash bucket and the water ended up all over his genuine imitation leather buckskin seats...

That's not my fault.

And just because when mom said we had to go grocery shopping and I couldn't find my tennis shoes on account of my dog Milton just l-o-v-e-s to hide them and I had to wear one red fuzzy slipper and one yellow galosh to the supermarket on the very same day the brand new minister and his wife were at the store doing their grocery shopping...

That's not my fault.

And just because when we got to the supermarket I was feeling real hungry and mom said I could pick out the reddest, juiciest, shiniest apple for my morning snack and the reddest, juiciest, shiniest apple happened to be on the bottom of the pile...

That's not my fault.

And just because on the way home from the supermarket I waved at the Ice Cream Man and he stopped his truck in the middle of traffic because he thought I wanted to buy a cherry pop and then he got real red in the face from yelling at my mom when she explained that I was just being neighborly...

That's not my fault.

And just because mom told me to find something to do while she put the groceries away and I went outside with Milton and then I got this GREAT IDEA to build Milton a dog house only I got kinda mixed up and put Milton INSIDE the dog house and nailed up all four walls before I remembered that I forgot to make a door...

That's not my fault.

And just because when mom called me in for lunch two BIG bumblebees followed me and chase us all around the house and mom and I had to hide under my bed until they left...

That's not my fault.

And just because I used my sister's hot curling iron to play hairdresser with her favorite doll and somehow its face melted and its hair frizzled and it smelled sorta like when mom burns the grilled cheese sandwiches...

That's not my fault.

And just because when the Oooey-Gooey Lady came to the door to sell my mom some of her Oooey-Gooey face creams and junk and my mom told me this would be a good time for me to use my new coloring book, only I couldn't find my colors so I used some of the Oooey-Gooey Lady's lipstick and eye shadow samples instead and she said it would be a cold day in July before she came back to THIS house...

That's not my fault.

And just because when I finally remembered where I left my Chewy Double Trouble Bubble Gum Milton got to it first and he got pink goo all over his fur AND the rug AND mom's new black velvet skirt that she was saving for a special occasion...

That's not my fault.

And just because I wanted to help mom with her chores and I filled the washing machine with bubble bath soap instead of the usual stuff and we ended up with soapy bubbles coming out of the chimney...

That's not my fault.

And just because we had to go to the park while our house was drying out and I climbed all the way to the top of the tallest Curly-Cue slide in the whole entire UNIVERSE and then I decided I didn't feel like sliding down and all the other kids were laughing at me and mom had to climb up the ladder and rescue me...

That's not my fault.

And just because I wanted to make mom feel better and I picked some pretty flowers at the park to give to her and she looked kind of funny when I told her the sign said they were "RARE SPECIMENS" and we had to walk real fast out of the park...

That's not my fault.

And just because after we stopped and bought some take-out pizza for dinner and mom stumbled over a bump in the sidewalk and all the cheese slid off the pizza and landed in some lady's purse...

That's not HER fault!

This just wasn't HER day, either!

The End