Bye Kelly

Packed off the sister the day before yesterday. Yes we managed to watch the entire run of season 2 of 24. She just got sucked in, much like I did. Chalk up another fan :) Was sad to say goodbye to her though. We had a really great visit, I thought. Usually after about 4 or 5 days of being around each other we start to fight, as sisters often do. Kelly's probably the only person in the world who can really piss me off. I have a slow temper but when it's up, it's pretty bad. But it was different this time. Somehow I think we were both glad to see each other and catch up with everything, and show off stuff, introduce each other to new things (yes I think West Wing's pretty damn good too) - that sort of thing. I didn't even mind all the driving.

I'm still seriously thinking of finding a way to move out to Cali. I've been checking out Monster.com daily looking for work and for ways to beef up my resume. I think it's pretty light right now but I threw it together on the fly. I want to move right now and this is dangerous for me because I am subject to following whims which usually gets me into trouble. So I want to do this move the right way this time. I want a job first and a way to carry out the move, a place to live, fair warning to the grandparents and my current job and all that good stuff. I am going to do it right this time which means I have to take it slow and realise it's not going to happen within the next couple of months - as much as I would like it too. I want to get the fuck out of here so badly. Today was a horrible bout of scrambling to come up with money to cover the bills and it involved much begging of the phone and utilities company, and a lot of tears, followed by a dangerous glimpse of mounting self-pity (why me? I'm sick of living like this blah blah blah) which I'd really like to avoid. What I need to do is not let myself begin to wallow in the whole 'I'll never get things to change so I give up' shite and actually do something about it.

I mean really, I don't make a bad living, I don't have horrendous credit card debt like most folk. Just student loans. Argh student loans. Anyway, the problem lies in that I have more bills than I do income. I work 40+ hours a week and am looking into getting a second job, which means I'll rarely get to see my daughter and spend time with her, which will have a negative impact on her because the last time I worked 2 jobs and was gone all the time, her grades slipped, she withdrew into her own little world... Right now she's doing so well... *sigh* I need a work-from-home kind of (legit) job so I can at least *be* there for her.

Anyway I'm going to stop rambling on. My mind's going about a zillion miles an hour though. Might write more later.