This blog is dangerously close to becoming a 24 Blog. Sorry about that. But DAMN I love this show. An amusing story tho - my sister who's in town for a week wanted to watch an episode of it to see if she'd like it. This is a girl who worked a late shift at Pebble, then dragged her ass out of bed at 5am to catch a plane, flying over 6 hours to get here, and sit in my car for another three. To say she was knackered is an understatement. Anyway I popped in the first episode of season 2 after filling her in a bit of what happened in the first season.
We ended up watching five shows last night. She is hooked! Chalk another 24 fan up to the tally - woohoo!
Heheh... Tonight she has asked me to rent West Wing to see if I like that show. Admittedly I've never seen it. I know it's touted as one of the best shows on telly, but well, I just never watched it. So I will give it a go tonight, provided we can find it for rent.
Well I just called all of our video shops and no joy. Then I decided to get smart and I looked it up online. It's not even released yet. So, oh darn, Kelly will just have to continue watching 24 :)
The first thought in my head when I woke up this morning was, '24! Tonight!' I'm so feckin' excited. I could just kick myself for not getting in on this show from the first episode but thank Elvis for DVD releases. I am absolutely dying to see how Kiefer Sutherland handles the crazy loop the writers throw at him this time around. I couldn't help but read some of the spoilers for Season Three. Sometimes people forget to warn you they're going to talk about them, so I know why Kiefer's character's so out of sorts (to put it mildly) at the beginning of the first episode. Well, at least I think I know. The writers and creators are notorious for throwing out misinformation :)
Either way I can't wait to get back into Jack's crazy life.
And you know I've been reading a lot about the wacky situations the writers kept putting Kim, Jack Bauer's daughter in and how fans of the show were getting fed up with it. I can see that... But I'm glad they're giving her some kind of responsibility in season three because I think she's a necessary catalyst for Kiefer's character, Jack. The one thing Jack cares about most is his daughter. As far as we know, Kim's all Jack has left and I just think that adds a great dimensionality to the character. Jack could be in the middle of running down dangerous terrorists but the first question he asks a CTU agent is how his daughter is doing. And Kiefer just pulls off that fine line between a real hardass tought guy but really actually has feelings so well.
Ahhh all this waiting for 8pm is killing me. It's only 10.45 am right now. Tick tock tick tock.. Tap the fingers... La la la I'm bored.
Well it's not really a grind. I like my job. It's just difficult to muster enthusiasm for being here after being away from it for a week. I had 114 messages in my inbox which was not as many as I thought and most of them were just my CNN and Google news alerts. Nobody needed me while I was gone :(
Kelly's coming back to GI for a few days this week. I can't wait to see her. I can wait to haul her ass to Omahahaha back and forth a few times while she's here, but what are sisters for I guess. But other than that it will be good to talk to her again face to face. I've got a lot on my mind right now I'd like to bounce off her.
I guess lately I've been pondering what I want to do and where to go in my life. I think I'd said I had resigned myself to staying in Nebraska at least until my daughter graduates from high school. Now I'm not so sure I can or want to do that. I'm having a real problem in justifying my decisions. I cannot see a very bright future for me here in Nebraska, I hate living here, and staying will mean working in a job I love but for 1 tenth the pay I should be getting. This hospital's never going to raise my pay to the level it should be at, they're too cheap. And I can't stand - I literally feel physically ill at the thought of living paycheck to paycheck like I do for the next 6 years.
The problem is that there is just no opportunity for me here. All Web jobs in this town are basically the same as what I have now. Low pay. I want to go back to school and add another field to my resume. I want to work for the film industry in some capacity. That's been my dream for as long as I can remember. It feels silly to say it out loud - in a manner of speaking and I've never told anyone about it. I never thought I'd ever get to anyway so it was just some little pipe dream tucked away in my mind. But since I've been feeling this need to move away from here and try to further my career, I'm starting to think that maybe it's not an impossible dream. But if I want to do anything about it, I can't stay here. And that means making some big decisions. I need to get over my guilt at taking my daughter away from her grandparents - I need to be up front with her about what I'm thinking about doing so she's not blindsided if I do happen to move. I need to begin actively looking for work elsewhere and not settle for the first thing that comes along. It has to be right, to allow me to save so I can go back to school without having to take out loans.
Anyway these are the things floating around in my mind right now. Who knows, I may not act on any of it. I'm not very good about motivating myself. I talk myself down from grandiose plans all the time. But then I think, if I don't at least try to make things work for the better, then I will be in a rut until I die. My daughter will probably fall into the same traps. I have to sacrifice and take a plunge now and then if I want to get what I want and be happy. Yep.
That would be the 'UK guy' from my last entry. I'm thoroughly enjoying his 24 blog. Only 6 freaking days until Season three! I have mixed emotions about it really. I'm really looking forward to it, however when it's on that means my vacation is over and I'm having a nice holiday atm.
I was starting to get a little bored actually, but last night I popped in one of my 24 DVDs and discovered that it's kind of fun to make screencaps and capture little moments that you might miss in a film when you're just watching it. Takes bloody ages though, but I decided to start a collection of caps, starting, of course, with every Kiefer DVD I can get my hands on. Eventually I hope to include caps from a lot of great films. Anyway, it's here if anyone's interested. It's just Kiefer for now. A bunch of 24 caps and about 6 other movies of his (including 'Beat' James - however I think Kiefer gets off moreso with the lads than he does with Ms. Love :) ).
So apart from doing some capping, I did a little bit of shopping today. I shouldn't have really, but I think it's actually been over a year since I bought myself some new clothes. I'm such a fashion plate :D Anyway I found a gorgeous jumper and probably the most comfy pair of jeans ever and I feel really good. Best thing was they were on sale as well so that's good.
Shit it's after midnight... I told myself I'd quit staying up late just because I'm on holiday because I still have to get up at stupid o'clock to get the kidlet up and ready for school. And I am unable to go back to sleep when I return from dropping her off which kind of sucks.
I'm on vacation right now. Second day into it and I'm bored out of my skull. My eyeballs hurt from watching too many Kiefer movies, my house is spotless, and I'm nearly out of gas in the car. I don't think I'm used to entertaining myself all day every day. Without a clear purpose to the day, I'm a little bit lost. I used to think I'd be in heaven if I didn't have to do the nine-to-five thing every day and could devote my days to pretty much anything I wanted. Now I'm not so sure.
Maybe it's the time of day, maybe I'm just overly tired. I haven't had any coffee yet, maybe that's it. I think somewhere earlier in this blog I said I'd give writing a shot again. I did start to form a hazy storline in my head earlier... Maybe I should get cracking on that. I've got six more days of uninterrupted time... Not that I could knock out a novel in six days, but I could at least teach myself how to develop a story beyond just a vague story arc. Hmmm... Well the kid's due home soon so maybe I should make that my agenda tomorrow.
Anyway, I just discovered some UK guy's blog about the show '24' so I'm going to go read that for a while :)
Have you ever been asked, or thought about what it would be like to have a chance for a chat with your younger self? What would you say to yourself - assuming you're now older and allegedly wiser. Would you try and pass on any of that wisdom? Would you try to prevent yourself from making certain mistakes? Give a warning of some kind?
Forgetting about all of that time paradox crap and just thinking about a couple of things I would tell myself... I would tell my stupid ass to go to college - though if I had done that I might not have my daughter today... Oh wait that's a time paradox. Okay, I would go back and tell myself that having good friends is a wonderful thing, but family is just as important so quit dicking around. I might tell myself to lighten up a little. That my parents did understand me more than I thought they did.
Here's how I think the convo might go:
"Hey Steph."
Gobsmacked silence at being confronted with an older version of myself.
"When did I stop wearing black all the time?"
"When you realised that being goth wasn't a lifestyle, it was just a phase."
"Oh. Do we still like decent music?"
"Oh that never changes. But your tastes do broaden."
"Oh dear."
"Listen I can't stick around. I just wanted to do this:"
*thwap*
"Ow!"
And there you have it. I'd give myself a good thwap and be on my way. How very Hitchhiker's :)
The kid (I'm going to have to come upwith a new nick for her since she's not really a kid anymore :( ) went to her first real dance last night. She'd been to one before but it was right after school and I think all the parents were there. Last night was a city-wide junior high Halloween dance from 7-10pm. I had mixed feelings about letting her go though.
Originally this dance was supposed to be actually on Halloween, and would have been after school etc. which is why she spent some of her allowance on a splashy costume of Arwen from LOTR. She wanted so much to stand out and had been talking about this dance for weeks. Then Thursday she came into my office in tears because she found out that it had been moved up to the following night, and knowing my penchant for saying no to things she brings me on short notice, she didn't think I would let her go. But how could I look at her, with tears in her eyes and say no? I'm such a pushover :) Of course I let her go.
We picked up her best friend, who chickened out of wearing a costume (I guess costumes were optional), and I dropped them off at the Senior High gym, sighed, and went home to wait until 10pm. Every time the phone rang I jumped in case it was the kid who wanted to come home early.. But it never was. So finally when I went to pick them up, I found them both beaming and excited. She had danced with a boy and what's more - she actually asked him! I was gobsmacked! I guess I had thought if anyone would have danced with a boy, it would have been her friend who's always been a bit more boy-crazy than my daughter has been. But apparently her friend was far too shy to even dance with the girls. Weird.
Anyway, my daughter danced with a boy and came home grinning ear to ear and had a lovely evening. Me, I think I've now got a grey hair or two..
Well while I wait for someone to send me some content for my little project I guess I'll blog a little. I guess the big water cooler discussion right now is that poor Cubs fan who's allegedly blown his team's chances at going to the world series. I feel sorry for the guy. I mean, I can understand why people are upset, the Cubs haven't been in the Series for 58 years and it would have been sweet if they'd have made it. But they lost their game faces when this guy went for the foul ball and allowed the Marlins to get all those runs in. They should have put it out of their minds until the game was over. Yes it was a moment of stupidity, but tell me, if you were a huge fan of a particular team, and you were in the foul ball area of the stands and saw a ball coming towards you, wouldn't you reach for it too? Wouldn't you be caught up in the moment of having a chance to grab a little bit of a semi-historic game for yourself? Of course you would. I don't think this guy intended to deliberately sabotage his beloved team's game. it was an accident and people need to let it go.
Besides, in the footage I saw of the incident, there were quite a few other fans going for that ball too. None of them looked like they were backing off when they saw the Cub running to grab it. This poor guy just happened to get to it first. Now his phone's been disconnected, he's actually in fear for his life. What is wrong with that picture? I understand the passion fans feel for a game they love. I know what it's like to be caught up in something and of course you hate to see defeat - but come on, leave the poor guy alone. I'm sure none of the abuse he's endured from irate fans can compare to what he must feel.
I also think it was pretty shite of Florida to offer him 'asylum'. That's almost like taunting him. How rude.
Anyway that's my take on the Cubs incident. They played a good season but couldn't quite pull it out in the end. That's ok. Maybe next year they'll be back with a vengeance. Who knows. Yeesh, and I'm not even a baseball fan.
So I'm still feeling stagnant. I shouldn't have written about it last night right before bed because that 'plain' feeling is sticking with me. And really, now I'm blaming my boss for thinking I have a wild life because now I have to live up to that *grin*.
I was driving into work this morning and thinking about what it would be like to do something different. I have vacation next week and I was thinking of spending it going out and doing a bit of photography. Fall is a beautiful time of the year - even in Nebby and I think it would be cool to go out and capture a bit of it. I can't use my good camera though as I don't have any film, so it'll have to be digital. I just want to be sure I don't spend my entire vacation locked up in the house watching Kiefer movies. Not necessarily a bad thing mind you :) I could watch him for hours. But I want to take advantage of the cooler weather and maybe nick my daughter's bike for a few rides, take some snaps and just try and get into life here.
Or maybe I should use the time to finally start writing something substantial for a change. It's been a dream of mine to write a book and become published but my problem is I can't think of a good story to tell. I can't even decide on a genre. I have a million beginnings of stories, but not real content. Maybe now's the time to pick one and see where it leads.
I don't know.. I write that a lot. I don't know. Well, I really don't know. I'm sure I'll end up just doing whatever I feel like doing, but I don't know if it will help me come to terms with having to stay here in Nebraska for the next six years. "Why don't you move then?" I hear you say... Well for a variety of reasons. The main one being the fact that my daughter is settled and happy and absolutely flourishing in junior high here. She's surrounded by her friends whom she's known all her life. I never had that feeling growing up because we moved so much. I used to think she would benefit from moving to different places as she grew up because I felt that's what gave me my love for travelling. But then again I'm such an introverted, quiet person - not outgoing at all and I wonder if having to make new friends whenever we moved has anything to do with that.
Anyway, I also can't move because my grandparents are the only close family she and I have left apart from my sister. But Kelly's young and lives in Cali whereas the G's are getting up there in years and who knows how long we'll have them in our lives. I can't deny them or my daughter the chance to be close to each other right now.
So there are two very good reasons for staying here, at least for now. So I will continue to lose myself in the movies as a way to pass the time. I will watch my daughter grow up to be confident and sure of herself - smart and independent and beautiful... And then I will probably get the hell out of Dodge and who knows, maybe by then I'll be published, doing book tours and interviews and hanging out with my idols.
For now though, I'd better get back to work... Oh and totally off-topic but I've added a link to my good friend Corey's spanky new blog I built for him so check it out. And I've discovered someone I don't even know has me linked on their blog - pretty nifty :)
I was in a meeting the other day with both bosses and the rest of the department and one of the bosses said we should start the meeting with a little icebreaker. I thought to myself, 'Whatever...' We're a small department, we all know each other, there's no ice to break, but ok. Anyway, he says we should tell one thing about ourselves that was false, and one thing about us that's true.
It's so much easier to think up the false stuff :)
So my turn comes around and I say my two things and my Big Boss turns to me and says "You've had such a wild life, I'm not sure what to believe." To this day her comment stuck with me. Have I had a wild life? I never thought my life was particularly outrageous. I've done some stupid things. Done some cool things. Bad things have happened to me, but so have some good. I think I did have a bit of a wild and crazy youth - where I did a LOT of stupid things. But I had fun.
I don't know... It just seems like my life right now is plain. That's a good word for it. Plain. This is dangerous for me, when I start to realize my life is plain. This is when I decide to up sticks and move half-way around the world. Maybe I should just rearrange my furniture and call it good because I can't afford to move away from my life right now.
The other day I told someone I was pretty much resigned to remaining in Nebraska, at least until my daughter graduates from high school, which is a good six years from now. I was actually starting to feel settled here, if not content. Now the thought of staying here for six years seems like a jail sentence. I can't make anything exciting happen here. I've given up trying and convinced myself that it's not so bad. And truly, it's NOT as bad as I sometimes make it out to be. I like my job, my coworkers, for the most part, are friendly and fun...
Ohhh man. I didn't mean for this to be a moaning blog. I was actually just thinking about the things I've done or seen that makes people think I have a wild life. I guess maybe my definition of a wild life is a bit different from other people's.
Ok so I'm becoming more and more impressed with Blogger's capabilities. Now I can have titles. Nifty :) Problem is I can't think of a title first before the blog - usually. Oh well, minor inconvenience.
So I'm getting sucked further and further into my fixation on Kiefer Sutherland. *sigh* I don't know what my damn problem is. Maybe it's just hormones. I blame the internet mostly. Before I got online, I'd see a flick and think 'oh yeah, he's hot.' and that would be the end of it. Maybe I'd have a sex dream or two involving said actor deciding he couldn't live without me *grin* and well, that would pretty much be the end of it. These days, I have far too much access to archived interviews, trailers, movie updates, interviews other obsessed fans made of when they appeared on Leno and dumped online to feed my craving. I waste ages trying to delve a little bit into what makes these guys tick.
Believe me I feel incredibly silly talking about this. I don't like to let people see how weird I am but I've got a blog and I'm gonna use it. I want this to be a no-holds-barred journal so there you go. I... am a weirdo. Anyway, getting back to Kiefer... I can't sum him up. I, of course, don't know him as a person and never will really, all I know about him is his work and the articles I've read. No way does that give me any true insight to what he, or any other celeb is like as a plain old human being. So I think a lot of my attraction to him is based on the parts he's played. Same with the other 2 or 3 actors I get like this about. I like stories about tortured individuals involved in some kind of struggle - mental or physical. Kiefer happens to play a lot of those. I find it fascinating that in one film he can exude pure evil like in Eye for an Eye where he plays a rapist and in another film play an abused young man who's so traumatised that he can't speak as in 'Trapped in Silence'. Amazing. Maybe I simply admire the talent. Maybe I'm just letting my inner teenie out for a stroll. It's hard to say. I'm sitting here writing this, feeling like such a dweeb and yet also feeling like I have to explain why I'm a dweeb.
Actually I've been wondering who the next little obsession was going to be. That's how it works you see, I get hooked on one from seeing a film and then stupid me gets online and starts reading about the actor, or at least about the film that got me hooked and it just snowballs from there. With Kiefer it was a little different as I'd actually been a fan of his since Lost Boys. In fact, I can remember when that came out because my friends and I were so chuffed that it was filmed in nearby Santa Cruz. Half of the opening scenes were like seeing my home on the big screen :) Anyway at the time I was big on vampires and into Anne Rice goth-y stuff, so naturally I was completely *phwoar* over Kiefer's vampire. He was very yum.
So now that he's on 24, I find myself back into Kiefer-dom. It's not a bad place to be really :)
Right so.. Summing up, I am really just a hormonal teenager with the hots for some actor. I am just a heartbeat away from creating a fansite, and I have Jack Bauer as my desktop theme. *sigh*
Right so... I think I finally got through to the bellydancer. I think she finally realised I'm not at fault and her own stupid business tactics failed her. Maybe she learned a valuable lesson from all of this too. Anyway she *says* she'll be sending me my final check whenever some greek church pays her for work she did on costumes for them. I seriously doubt I'll ever see that money. Kind of sucks really because I'm really down to my last few quarters. Good job tomorrow's payday.
Anyway, It's been a tight couple of months but I don't feel too horrible about it. I feel sort of hopefull and energised about a lot of things right now. I've been in tighter spots back when I was making half of what I make now. I just need to sit down and go through every one of my expenses and work out some kind of schedule. I make more than my bills now, yet somehow, somewhere I'm spending more than I should and I end with nothing. Anyway I've got vacation coming up in a week so I'll sort it out then.
What else is going on... Oh not much. I've been spending quality time with Kiefer Sutherland *grin*. Well, not really but I have become addicted to his show '24'. I don't really watch a lot of primetime television - in fact I think the only show I watch religiously is 'Survivor'. But now I guess I have to add season three of '24' to my viewing schedule. A couple of weeks ago, I rented the first season DVDs, mainly because there was fuckall else to rent at the time, and I'd always heard it's an excellent show. But I missed the first few episodes of it when it debuted and I'd also always heard that if you do that, you're screwed for being able to follow the plot. So I didn't bother to watch any of it. Same thing happened during season 2. I'm all caught up now tho baby :) My god this is the best show I've ever seen. I simply love it.
After I became hooked on the show I started looking up Kiefer's bio because even tho I've been a fan of his from the day I saw him in Lost Boys (can you believe he was only 17 when he made that???? I can't.) I can't think of anything I've seen him in lately. Apparently '24' is his 'comeback' or whatever. I didn't even realise he'd been off the radar. I just adore him :) Yes I've fallen into another one of my little obsessions with actors and I'm not happy about it. I get really preoccupied when I get hooked on one. Ahhhh well... This too shall pass. I haven't reached the point of wanting to create a website for him or the show yet :) hehehehe.
Oh I curse the day I ever said I would do a site for a bellydancer. The woman is unreasonable! After monthly battles to get her to respond to my emails both asking for input and requesting that she pay her growing bill, I quit doing anything for her site. Why work on something I'm not getting paid for? When she finally did respond to me I was more than generous in offering to let her make whatever payments she could towards her bill. I got two small check from her and then I heard nothing from her for ages. I pretty much wrote her off. My emails to her were bouncing, no replies to my phone calls - nothing. I tried last week to email her one last time, and the email went through. And I got a response! However I told her that I would be resigning as her webmaster and that she needed to pay me the amount owed in full. Her response was a very snotty 'well I never could get the site to load' and 'I'm working 12 hour days for very little money' or 'I never got one response from the website'.
Well to those I said 'How come you never mentioned to me you were having site problems?' and 'Well I don't exactly live the life of the rich myself here in the mecca that is my midwestern town.' and 'The website has been live for about 4 months. You cannot seriously expect the money to roll in just because you have a website. You have to promote it, and you never did. I did all i could with search engine submission and attempts to reciprocal-link, but advertising is what you're meant to do. If you don't, of course no one's going to go to your site.' ARGH! Every flippin' email she sent me these past few days have been one long guilt trip and veiled insults at my work and my price for the work - which she agreed to the day we met for lunch. She didn't balk at my fee then when I was very up front about how much web startup was going to cost her, why is she balking now?? Grrrrrr. I cut her a lot of slack because I knew she was trying to start up her own studio etc etc - I let her make payments on her bill, payments which were sporadic and small at best, I didn't charge her for half the stuff I'd done.
So this morning I fired off an email (something I really should not do just after waking up) and said as plainly and as nicely as I could that I did not appreciate the guilt complex she was laying on me but if she really wanted to have a pity competition, I would have no problem competing because my finances aren't exactly the greatest either. I told her I'd done everything I could possibly do with very little communication and input from her, and for far less than I would normally charge. But the headache of trying to get her to pay *anything* on her bill was just one headache I didn't need.
She asked for her HTML files 'because she deserves them after the great expense she went to to have me create them' and her pics back, but frankly, she can wait until I receive her final check. In hindsight, I think the silly woman has absolutely no head for business. She should not have jumped into website development right as she was trying to begin building her studio up from scratch on very little money. She should have established herself first and ensured that her studio would be a success before hiring a professional designer to enhance her business with a website. I don't believe she timed it right and if this fiasco is indicative of the way she runs things, I doubt she will succeed in her venture. I think she was counting on the website to bring in money from the original costumes she creates and sells, and she expected the money from sales online to happen almost immediately. But, she did not have the funds for me to setup any sort of sales system where people could buy what they wanted from her online. All I could do was put together pictures of her stuff along with prices and hope people would be bothered enough to call her long distance and order something. She said she wanted to reach people in other states and even internationally. Well I hate to say it but there are a gazillion bellydance sites out there, some of them very professional, and that do allow people to buy online and I think if someone is going to shop online, they are going to want to do the entire transaction online because it's convenient. Someone in France is not going to want to make a long distance call to some woman in Lincoln, Nebraska and order a coin bra. Puh-lease.
Argh. I just had to vent. The woman pissed me off no end this weekend with her whiny, guilt-inducing emails. From now on I will: Not do websites for anyone just starting a business, Only work for established companies, and Make sure I have a contract next time. And I need a business partner to handle all the money crap. I hate squeezing people for money.
