MMmmmm Vacation... Today I turned in my request for a glorious week off in a few weeks. Five whole days (9 if you count the weekends) to myself, and getting paid for it to boot! God I can't wait. I need a break in the routine. I've never been very good at monotony. I feel like all I do is get up, go to work, come home, watch a movie or flit around the Net. It's boring. I just need a little break in the monotony and then I think I'll be juiced up and energized again. I need it. It's been a rough couple of weeks.

Return of the King trailer came out yesterday and ohhhhhh my goodness I cannot bloody wait for this film. I just can't. I think I've talked about it before but who cares, it's my blog and I'll go on and on if I want to :) Anyway, yes I am a geek. YOU HEAR THAT ALL YOU EEJITS BACK IN 7th GRADE? I finally admit it now. I've read the books most of my life, I've loved the books most of my life, and I worship at the altar of Peter Jackson. Seeing the ROTK trailer was just an illuminating moment for me. December 17th just cannot come soon enough.

TCZ is crap. What else is new. Lots of problems there but nothing that won't sort itself out eventually. I just have to learn not to let it bother me as much as it usually does. Some good has come out of the recent troubles tho. I learned who my true friends are and I learned that a few people I considered friends, really aren't. I learned I can handle confrontation. I still don't like it, but I can deal with it. And I learned that no matter what you do, there will always be people in the world who dislike you for no real reason and to stop worrying about it when people do that.

So there are my lessons for the day: Vacation good. ROTK even better. TCZ crap.

Short short blog today. Sorry.

Today I'm going to finesse some websites and try to find another host for my film site which is going down in a couple months :(. I don't have a clue how I'm going to export all my data yet. Need to look into that. Anyway I'd better get started.

Blah. That's how I've been. Just blah. But it too, shall pass. Lately I've been doing a few projects, one being letters to my mum in blog form. I kind of like it. It felt a little weird at first, writing to her, but after a while I found it kind of therapeutic. I finished up Meechie's page after finally settling on a design I liked and that fit the wonderful pic of Meech that Leonie from my forums drew for me. She rocks. So Meechie's sister saw his page and now apparently I need to put together a page for "his own flesh and blood" whom I neglected to link to :) "Oh no she di-in't" was the exact quote I believe :) Hehehe.. So I'm waiting for her to send me some pics and I'll put something together for them.

Today I had to go to a four hour orientation (or re-orientation rather) at work. *yawn*. No matter how they try to jazz it up, it's still sitting on a hard plastic chair for four hours listening to people talk about things like 'Emtala' and 'Bio-hazard' safety. I understand that some of this stuff is important to know, but I don't see the need to take 4 bloody hours out of my work day to go through it all. It can all be done in increments via the web. Oh well, til that glorious day, I have to sit through torture once a year. At least now I can have my job evaluation Friday and then get my raise next paycheck :) I can't believe I've been at the hospital almost four years already. This is the longest I've ever worked in one place :) Not that I'm a job-hopper mind you. I just moved a lot, got better job offers, took time out to go to college etc.

Anyway, quick blog tonight.

I was about to go to bed but I feel so wretched I thought if I blogged I'd get it out of my system and be able to sleep. Today was a rotten day, but not for any real reason that I can pin down. I should have enjoyed it more as it was nice and rainy all day, something we've not had much of this summer. I guess it started at lunch when one of my co-workers came into the office I share with another girl. She came in, invited her to lunch and off they went. They do this a lot really. It kind of bothers me that they don't ask me if I want to go with them. They only go to the cafeteria down the hall. I don't know why it bothers me so much. I don't even like eating in the cafeteria. If I eat lunch at all I eat at my desk. Maybe they know that and just figured I'd say no anyway. But I'd still like to be asked I guess.

So anyway, I felt somewhat out of sorts when I came home. Then on TCZ one of the retired admin totally goes off on me in the BBS (bulletin board are, publicly viewed by all users) and says a few really mean-spirited things. In a thread about the pros and cons of fullscreen vs. widescreen DVDs of all places. I misinterpreted what I thought was a sarky comment he made - but to be honest I've known this guy for years and his dislike of me and paranoia where I'm concerned is well-known by most of the regulars. Anyway it's hard to explain how the whole thing escalated without giving a big background about him and I really can't be arsed. Suffice to say I explained that if he didn't mean to be sarky then fine, it was just how I interpreted it and then he posted a response that was pretty much one long personal insult that had nothing to do with the topic or the misunderstanding of the comment. I'm guessing he's had it pent up for months now and saw his chance to vent at me now that he's no longer and admin. He's always thought I've "had it in" for him for some reason. I'll admit to disliking him but I can't say I've spent any kind of time plotting ways to make him believe I'm trying to get at im whenever I can. He misinterprets my disagreements with his opinions as me getting at him.

Ohhh.. whatever. It's really too convoluted and messy to explain. I'm not trying to say I'm entirely innocent in this situation, but I don't think anything I said warranted a personal attack. But it bothered me to the point of making me feel really awful at being completely misunderstood for so long and the futility of trying to explain myself to him frustrates me. I hate it when people dislike me for invalid reasons. And of course he posts his little attack and promptly logged off without extending the courtesy of waiting around to see my reply and by the time he came back I had debated with myself and removed all of the posts. So he never saw my reply. And he got the satisfaction of goading me into deleting it. Argh. So that's totally worsened my mood and I just want to cry.

I feel sad. I'm not really sure why but I just feel like I could cry at the drop of a hat. Is that depression? I don't feel particularly depressed. I have my usual worries - money being the chief one but I'm not in dire straits. I have been thinking of my mother a lot lately. The other night I couldn't stop myself from seeing her lying dead in the ER. I hate that that was my last image of her. I'm really missing her right now. I was watching some movie today (what else is new) and one of the characters in it found it therapeutic to write letters to his absent father. He never sent them but it felt good to write them anyway. Maybe I could adapt that idea into a blog. Maybe that would help. I'll think about it.

Maybe I'm just tired. Or maybe I need a distraction. I think I'll go clean another closet... wait a minute... The other day I cleaned one of my closets out and found a lot of my mother's things that I've never gone through. I couldn't do it so soon after she died, but felt okay about it the other day. I found a lot of old letters from boyfriends, some articles she wrote for my local paper back in the 60s, old photos, sympathy cards from when my father passed away... Maybe that's what's setting me off and making me feel sad. Has to be because I can't think of any other reason.. Maybe I won't go clean a closet out right now.

Now my nose is bleeding. God this weekend has been weird.