I feel sad. I'm not really sure why but I just feel like I could cry at the drop of a hat. Is that depression? I don't feel particularly depressed. I have my usual worries - money being the chief one but I'm not in dire straits. I have been thinking of my mother a lot lately. The other night I couldn't stop myself from seeing her lying dead in the ER. I hate that that was my last image of her. I'm really missing her right now. I was watching some movie today (what else is new) and one of the characters in it found it therapeutic to write letters to his absent father. He never sent them but it felt good to write them anyway. Maybe I could adapt that idea into a blog. Maybe that would help. I'll think about it.

Maybe I'm just tired. Or maybe I need a distraction. I think I'll go clean another closet... wait a minute... The other day I cleaned one of my closets out and found a lot of my mother's things that I've never gone through. I couldn't do it so soon after she died, but felt okay about it the other day. I found a lot of old letters from boyfriends, some articles she wrote for my local paper back in the 60s, old photos, sympathy cards from when my father passed away... Maybe that's what's setting me off and making me feel sad. Has to be because I can't think of any other reason.. Maybe I won't go clean a closet out right now.

Now my nose is bleeding. God this weekend has been weird.

*Yawn* I'm sleepy. It's only 6 in the evening but I could do with a nap. The kidlet and I had LOTR day and watched Fellowship and Two Towers back to back. Good way to kill a day :) Can't wait to be able to watch all three back to back. Anyway, we picked a good day to do it as well, since it rained most of the day. Finally. I love it when it rains and it doesn't do it nearly enough here for my tastes.

I think the munchkin's coming down with a cold which is kind of sucky. She wants to try for perfect attendance at school (my little nerd :D) this year so I'm keeping her medicated and tucked up in bed to try and head whatever she's got off at the pass. Nebraska's been hit bad with West Nile Virus this year and my county, I believe, has the highest number of cases of it. The other day I noticed a bite on her arm but we couldn't decide if it was a spider bite or mosquito bite. Now she's stuffed up and slightly feverish. Oh dear oh dear...

When she was one, she came down with pneumonia and had to be in hospital for a few days with an IV and spent most of her time in a plastic tent that spurted mist all over her. It was the most heartbreaking thing I've ever had to go through with her. I was a new mom watching my little girl lay listlessly in the tent with an IV sticking out of her. I felt helpless because she couldn't understand why she had to stay in there. Anyway, I'd hate for her to have to go back into the hospital because of this west nile thing. Poor kid.

She's dozing right now. I think I'll go check on her.