I really meant to update this sooner Leigh, I swear it 🙂 So this blog’s for you 😉

It’s been a busy week. Work, pounding migraine, ice skating, dinners out of town, the discovery that there is a beer or two I can actually drink without grimacing, a memorial service, and other stuff. I’ve acquired an exercise bike and a printer. I sorted out a major money problem and managed to have dosh left over to buy school supplies and now it’s Friday. The big blackout of 2003 has wreaked havoc on the Internet at work as our servers are actually in Philadelphia so I have a valid reason to work from home today. Woohoo!

I’m really chuffed with myself regarding the ice skating. Earlier this year I took the kid and her friend to the rink in Kearney and I managed to stumble around the ice one time before I gave up. I couldn’t get my balance and I felt so embarrassed that I had to hug the wall as I went around while everyone else swooshed on by. I used to skate a lot when I was younger and was quite good. But I hadn’t been in ohhhh, 15 years at least. Obviously it was not like riding a bike. So when the opportunity came this week to go again, I was actually dreading it. The guy we went with plays hockey and has been skating for over 10 years and so of course I was afraid of looking like an eejit in front of him.

However, I tried a different type of blade this time and little by little, the confidence came back! Soon I was one of the ones swooshing past and feeling so graceful and exhilerated. It was a blast! Ohh I just loved it. I can’t wait to go again. The rink has open skating most evenings and it’s only 5 bucks to get in. It’s going to be the perfect exercise to replace swimming once the pools close for the year. My only whinge is that I wish I didn’t have to drive 40 miles to do it. Ah well, it’s worth it to me.

Oh the problem turend out that the first time I skated that was such a disaster, I had rented the skates with a toepick on the front of the blade. They kept catching the ice and making me feel clumsy and as if I was about to fall over with each glide of the skate. This time I got the smooth blades and that totally made all the difference.

Anyway, so that’s been my week. I spent some time happily watching the Bomo spods at the big TCZ meet last weekend – thanks to Matt and his webcams. I can’t belive they played Twister at 3 in the morning. Crazy kids. Had a nice big blowout amongst the reds and the admin on Sunday that was just no fun to clean up and deal with and it ended up disrupting the big meet somewhat which was uncool. Then spent the week just having fun and hanging out. We had a short memorial service for my aunt out at the cemetery which was nice. It will be nice to have a place to visit for her.

And that’s about it. Fun eh?

I’m diggin’ the scrolly bars on here 🙂 I’m so clever. No really – I am 🙂

Spent today getting my webcam working. Somewhere amongst my blogs is a woeful tale of the Big Crash that killed the drivers for it. I meant to fix them after it happened but well, then I bought a digital camera and just played with that instead. Now the digital cam is tucked away and I want my cam back up for various reason. One of them being I can keep an eye on the place while I’m at work. Every now and then Spooky wanders in front of the camera and sniffs it which makes for amusing views.

I’ve only got one week left of staying home one day a week and working. Poo. I swear they’re sending the kids back earlier and earlier every year. She goes back on the 20th – nearly 2 weeks before labour day. The pools aren’t even shut that early. Ah well. Will have to psych myself up for it again. I love my job, I really do. I think my biggest issue is having to get up at 6am. Morning person? Me? No way. I’m not fully awake til at least 10am and even that that’s stretching it. I am definitely a night person.

Not much to report right now. I’ve got to do laundry and tidy the place up but have I done any of that? Nope. Must add ‘stop procrastinating’ to my to-do list. I’ll bet anything though that the mood will strike me at about 9pm to hoover or something. Laundry is best done on Sunday anyway. Everyone in the building is in church so the machines are free 🙂 Anyway, I’m boring myself with this entry so I can imagine what it must be like for anyone reading it.

Ok so… I got a little bored this morning and tweaked this blog a little. Nothing major. I still have an urge to completely makeover ukmelia.com aswell but I haven’t found a look I like yet. I’m feeling better today, I’m just gonna deal with the issue and move on. I get so sick of going to pieces when money becomes an issue. I mean, fuck sake, I’m *cough cough* years old and I’ve been in tighter spots so what is the big deal? Bill Bryson’s father used to tell him, ‘There’s always someone who is worse off than you.’ and he used to think, ‘So?’ But I can see hid dad’s point. I could be living in a car and dumpster diving for dinner.

So tonight, I shall take the kidlet to the pool and we’ll stay there until it closes. We’ll have a good time and get totally worn out. Then we’ll come home and try to catch the International Space Station passing overhead before collapsing in bed. Then I promised to rent ‘What a Girl Wants’ for her. Typical teen cheese movie but Colin Firth is in it. Yum yum. Eye candy for mum.

Next week we’re having a service for my aunt. My uncle finally decided to buy a spot for her ashes at a cemetery, so the family is going to gather and Reverend Karen who officiated at her funeral will say a few words and then it’s back to my grandparents for strawberry shortcake. Kind of an odd evening but then my granny is rather odd. My cousin’s coming down for this and is staying the week so we’ve made some plans to take my daughter ice skating (he plays goalie for a hockey team up in Wisconsin) so they will skate around and I will fall down a lot. I’m not the most graceful person in the world 🙂 Rick’s also bringing his telescope down as Mars is supposed to be particularly bright next week and there’s also a meteor shower going on so the kid will enjoy that a lot – so will I for that matter, I love looking at the stars.

Anyway, off I go. Just got some fabulous new graphics software I want to play with.

Sometimes, life sucks. Truly. You get lulled into a false sense of security and contentment, only to have the rug pulled out from under you when you least expect it. I do hate to prattle on about my woes. Sometimes it seems like that’s all I do here. last time I got to feeling like this I ended up blogging about the positive things in my life and that made me feel better. Maybe I’ll end this one like that. Right now I need to vent.

Two years ago I consolidated my student loans so that I wouldn’t have to make a million different payments to different loan companies. Or so I thought. Apparently I still had one loan on the loose that has been accruing interest and no payments. Their attempts to contact me were fruitless, mainly because I refuse to call people back if, when they leave a message, they don’t tell me where they are from. I also don’t open mail if it doesn’t say who the letter is from. I get so much junk, half of which is generic-looking and marked urgent only to open it and find out that it’s only urgent I apply for their credit card. Now, loan companies are notoriously devious and sneaky and send letters in generic, non-marked envelopes, or by calling and dodging the question when I ask where they’re from.

So that’s my defense on why I didn’t know about this loan. Anyway, I got a call this morning telling me that my loan is in default and they are about to begin garnishing my wages to the tune of $300 per month if I don’t come up with $1300 now, and then make $75 payments. I cannot afford to lose $300 out of my paychecks – if that happened I’d be right back where I was when I first started my job and that’s struggling to pay the rent and buy food for me and the kid. I was just getting my head above the water. So fine, the payment schedule sounds good to me and I’m fine with that, but then there is the $1300 down payment hurdle. I’ve just paid all the usual bills so I’m not flush – where the fuck am I going to get $1300??? No I do not have rich relatives or friends I can ask – nor would I. I’ve borrowed money when I was desperate from a very good friend and it felt awful. Anyway I do have options. I’m not happy about them and it might mean my xmas trip to Cali is off, and my car payment will be late next month but I can scrape up the cursed $1300. *sigh*

I went to college for 2 years and I will be paying on these fucking loans until I die. As soon as I get this thing out of default it’s getting consolidated.

So now I’m bummed and feel poor again. Tonight I will toss and turn and try to add money up in my head and figure out ways to get the damn bellydancer to pay me the money she owes me. I won’t get any sleep and tomorrow I’ll be a wreck at work. Time to distract the brain before be methinks. Maybe I’ll leave the telly on all night.

So I was going to end this on a positive note. I have many bright spots in my life right now. My grandfather is okay, my daughter is beautiful and healthy. Next week I get to go ice-skating and watch the meteor shower. I love my job and the people I work with. The summer has been abnormally mild – yes it’s been damn hot but not the killer it usually is – and my AC is still working. I have good friends whom I love, my sister is thinking of going for her Master’s degree, another friend of mine is going to go for his (I just think that’s so impressive when people do that – if I ever get my loans paid off and become a successful web designer, I’ll do it too!), my best mate’s salon business is growing, and my movie site is doing well. Not too bad.. Someday, this will all be 20 years ago and when I look at shit problems like this loan thing that way, it doesn’t seem so bad.

Well my grandad is back home now and he looks great – tho my granny will not let him nap in his chair anymore 🙂 Which has in turn meant that he sleeps great at night. Go figure. But it’s kind of odd now, it’s like we’ve been given a second chance but in a surreal weird kind of way. When I see him now I can’t help but think that he might not have made it. It’s so morbid 🙁 So he gets extra hugs and kisses all the time now.

We did a little shopping for the grandparents over the weekend and checked to make sure he was getting on all right. Then we mostly stayed in this weekend. Very hot around here – humid etc.. I hate going to the pool on the weekend because of the crowds – no fun to swim when all you’re really doing is dodging innertubes and splashy kids. So we go later in the evening during the week and practically have it all to ourselves. Anyway, so we rented some videos. Avoid Solaris at all costs. That is an hour and a half I’ll never get back. Horrible film and even George Clooney’s naked bum did nothing for me. There was very little I wanted to rent this weekend so I ended up getting pretty much all shite movies. Kangaroo Jack could have been funnier if Disney had done it. There were a few chuckles but it was mostly shite. I’ve got Jurassic Park 3 and Die Another Day left to watch. Dunno if I’m all that enthused about either.

What else is happening… Not much… Had a lovely chat with an old friend over the weekend which was nice. I love it when that happens. Took the kidlet for a haircut which turned out rather nice despite my inability to convey what kind of style I wanted to see on her. Hairdressers usually intimidate me. Even Meechie somewhat. My best friend and I still feel silly if I ask him to do my hair a certain way. But as I don’t get to have him as my stylist very often it’s not really an issue.

I also think I may be losing my mind a little. Friday, I got out of the shower and dried off etc, got dressed. Went to work, wondered in passing why I had such a tremendous wedgie. Sorted it out when I got to my office and went about my routine. Went to the caf for brekkie, came back with the same wedgie and then it hit me, I had put my knickers on backwards. What a dolt. Then this morning I got dressed flitted about the house getting ready to go to work when I realised I had put my shirt on inside out. I thnk I might be slightly mad, but I think I’m going to call myself eccentric if I go out in public with my knickers on backwards and my shirt inside out.

I’m so tired. Every time I lay down to go to sleep though my brain just won’t let me. It’s been a rough week and I still have Friday to get through. I got a call at my office yesterday telling me that my grandfather had been taken by ambulance to the ER because he’d been having a seizure in his chair at home. My grandmother thought he was just having some kind of nightmare because he’d been dozing as grandfathers often do. But he started tensing up and shaking and so she called 911.

But when I got that phone call saying another one of my family members was rushed to the hospital I swear time slowed down and everything seemed far away. I knew I was going to go over there only to be told it was too late and he was dead. My grampa. The coolest grampa ever. The one who always stands at the door and waves at us as we drive away. The one who spent months building a victorian dollhouse for his great-granddaughter. The one who tells me great stories about when he was aboard ship in WWII down in the South Pacific or stops over at my office just to say hello. I was not prepared for this. I ran out to my car, my hands shaking as I tried to stick the key in the ignition. I was crying but trying not to cry because I knew I’d have to be strong for my gran when I got over to the ER, but I was so dreading what I would be told… The last time this very thing happened – the phone call saying my mom was rushed to the ER and when I got there she was gone…

Somehow I made it over there, I don’t really remember how I got there. I stepped into the Emergency Room – the last time I was there was the day mom died and I’d avoided it ever since even though I still work for the hospital. I saw my gran and my cousin’s wife, along with my boss – no clue how he knew to go over there. And they told me he was okay. I cannot describe the rush of relief that poured over me. My boss had to grab me because I think I nearly fainted. He led me over to the chairs where I sat shaking and crying…

As of right now we don’t know what caused the seizure. He’s incredibly healthy for a guy his age (almost 80), never had any history of seizures or other diseases that cause seizures – in fact he’d never had one before in his life. He came around in the ER and had no idea why he was there. Last thing he remembered was eating lunch yesterday. It was just after that when he dozed off and then began seizing. But he’s alert, and pretty much his normal self, teasing nurses, making jokes and all that. He may get to go home tomorrow barring any more problems but we’ll have to wait for the results of all the tests they’ve done before they tell us for sure whether he can go home.

He can’t drive now for the next 3 months which is going to be hard for him as he did the majority of the driving. I stayed with my gran, and drove her home late last night and waited while she showered and got ready for bed etc to make sure she was ok. I think she was in shock herself but I could see how relieved she was after we were able to go in and see him. Today I drove her over and sat with them for a few hours, then went back to work for a while, then back again to his room to wait for the doc who didn’t come and then to take her home. I couldn’t sleep last night, I probably won’t sleep tonight much. I leave the tv on for the noise to try and distract my brain but eventually I begin to wonder if I can’t sleep because the tv is on, but when I shut it off, all I can think about is what would be going on right now if he hadn’t been all right, if he had died. I know I shouldn’t but I can’t help it. I try reading, or getting up and mucking about with my movie site. Nothing works and I was a zombie today. And I will be one again tomorrow when I go pick Gran up and take her back to the hospital.

I think i’ll stop writing now… my eyes are burning and watering I’m so tired so I’m gonna give bed a go. Gnight.

Well I had a whole blog written earlier today but like an idiot, I closed the wrong window and lost it all. I was not happy. On the bright side, it was a boring entry anyway so no big loss.

I’m haviung a bit of crisis of conscious right now. My film site is beginning to take off and traffic is finally picking up a bit so I’m pleased with that. A couple of days ago, I stumbled onto a pic of Gary Oldman as Sirius Black. It was the first pic and it was leaked onto the net so naturally I posted the news on my film site. Later I found out that Warner Bros. have been asking the big film sites and fan sites to remove it and most have complied. Except me. I’m not big enough to warrant an email from a major studio so I figure I’ll keep it up for those who want to see it. But I feel bad about it. But I’ve always wanted a big studio to think enough of my site to email me and ask me to take something down 🙂 I think that would be cool. So until one of them does, I guess I’ll leave it up. I justify it by the fact that it is a fan picture – meaning it was a few of the castmembers posing with some fans and therefore not official and WB has no right to say what that fan does with the image. Sounds good to me anyway.

I would so love for The Picture Show to take off. I’ve read where a few other bigwig film sites get a lot of promotional stuff and even invites to premieres and stuff. I would so be in heaven. I doubt it will happen but you never know 🙂 I’m still new in the grand scheme of things so we’ll see where I am a year or two from now.

Short entry now tho, dinner’s almost ready. Cheerio.