Category: Blather

I am Carmex’s Bitch

Someone wrote a little ficlet talking about Carmex and how they didn’t know much about it. So I left this comment:

Carmex is like crack. Goes on so smooth and warm. And then it tingles delightfully and smells so spicy. After a few moments of comforting warmth, a cool sensation spreads over your lips like a soothing mist that protects you from the evils of chapped skin and leaves you with a luscious, soft mouth just waiting to be kissed.

I’m Melia. I am Carmex’s slave.


So I’m walking along, pushing my cart, heading for the canned vegetable aisle. I turn the corner and run smack into an ex-boyfriend. Working as a stockboy. At Skagway.
Like a deer caught in headlights, we stared at each other for what seemed like a Very Long Time (but was most likely a split second.)

And then I bolted.

I made a mad dash for the dairy aisle and became extremely interested in yogurt flavours. WTF was he doing there? I thought he left town. Crap crap crap. All this running through my head while I figured out how I was going to pick up the diced tomatoes I needed and avoid him.

He and I dated for several months not long after I returned home from England. I didn’t really know him, it was just sort of one of those things, how we met. I was out with a friend from work at a bar and well, he hit on me I thought he was cute and guys don’t hit on me much so we started dating. That sort of thing. He was a roofer at the time.

But I had no idea I was dating a guy who, when he drank, did it to get completely falling-down pissing drunk, was a bit of a loser, and evidently fell “in love” at the drop of a hat. He became incredibly clingy. He would come to my job and hang all over me, trying to see how far he could ram his tongue down my throat until finally, I had to dump him. It was weird. I’ve never done the dumping before and I did it badly, as you can imagine. I mean, I’m all for PDAs and a little smoochiness, but there’s a time and place for that, and on the job isn’t it. Aside from that, he showed up at my house one night incoherent, drunker than any drunk I’ve ever seen and he crashed on my bed. And while he slept it off he peed all over the bed. I’d never been so disgusted in my life. Boy had to go.

He came to the steakhouse, where I was waitressing at the time, for dinner soon after the ‘Stephanie bought a brand new bed and set fire to the old one’ incident. Sat in my section, and I was kind of cold towards him. As I back and forthed between him and my other tables, I told him we should talk. He laughed and said jokingly, “What? You breaking up with me or something?”

I froze and stared at him until he copped on to my meaning. He dropped his fork and began to cry. Right there at the table, tears. Thing is, I didn’t feel bad. Just embarrassed and relieved that he would soon be out of my life. If that makes me a bitch, as he came to call me later when the bitter drunk-dialing began, then yes, I am a bitch.

Eventually the calls died off and I never saw/heard from him again. I assumed he’d left town because this town isn’t that big. Eventually you run into folk, you know? So that’s why I was so gobsmacked to see him working in my favourite grocery store. I go there all the damn time. I’d never seen him there before. Argh. Now I’ll have to shop at Walmart. Grrrr.

It’s been a long time since I dumped him. I’m sure he got over it and who knows, maybe he’s got his act together now (tho.. he’s a little older than me. And working as a stockboy.) I don’t know. I don’t want to know. I just want to be avoidy.

I have never and will never date another guy I met in a bar. Ever. That was the first and last time. Lesson well learned.

Holy Guacamole

I’ve had far too much guacamole tonight. It all started when my grandfather told me he forgot to send some fresh avocados home with the kid (he knows of my deep love of avos) and then he told me he was going to make guacamole out of them instead.

Damn if that idea didn’t percolate in my head all afternoon. I love guacamole (not as much as I love plain old avos though) and my mother’s recipe for it is the very definition of perfection. I haven’t had it in ages either. Years probably. Every time I buy avos I end up just eating them.

So after work tonight, I made my mum’s guacamole. Now I’m heading towards a guacamole coma. But it was so goooooood. There’s plenty left of course, but I just think I ate one tostito too many and now I’m waiting for my pepcid to kick in.

Lovely eh? Let’s talk about something else.

I’ve been meaning to mention a book series my friend Tonya has been loaning me. The Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter books by Laurell K. Hamilton. I think there’s about 14 or 15 so far and I’m just on the last one before whatever’s currently out there in hardback.

It took me a bit to get used to Hamilton’s style of writing. It’s first person and there’s something else about the style I can’t quite put my finger on that took some getting used to. But once I did I really enjoyed them – until the last two or three and I’ll get into that in a minute.

Basically, Blake is a necromancer who raises the dead for a living. She lives in a world where vampires are legal citizens with rights, and shapeshifters, ghouls and zombies exist and aren’t kept secret. Pretty neat and interesting really. As a side gig, Blake also works with the Preternatural Investigation Team and helps solve supernatural crimes. Blake is spunky, ass-kicky, hot, and has a Master Vampire and a werewolf king in love with her.

Most of the books deal with Blake solving crimes and dealing with the monsters. The latter books sort of deal with her issues with her growing powers, her bonds with the Master vamp and werewolf, and pretty much involve a lot of sex. I mean, the last few books are basically softcore porn with very little crime solving. I never thought I’d say this, but my god the sex scenes are actually annoying.

The wonderful werewolf who was strong and loves Blake and longs for a normal life turns into a whiny petulant loser whom I hope gets killed off soon and after 14 or 15 of these books I still don’t have a character I can connect with. By the end of the novel, Blake will have 7-10 vamps and shapeshifters she must have sex with because she inherited some Incubus power from her master vampire. So she’s constantly screwing instead of solving crime. Frankly, it gets old. Don’t get me wrong – I’m no prude or anything and I’m not bothered by the scenes themselves. Just think they’re overdone. I mean, the current book I’m on, Danse Macabre – I’m about 3/4th through it and so far Blake has met some new vampires, screwed a couple of them, then she fought with the werewolf, then she went to bed and shagged three more. And that’s about it. I think there’s supposed to be some big Vampire ‘do she’s helping to host but damned if we haven’t gotten to it yet.

So I’m disappointed at the direction these books veered off into because they were pretty promising before all the sex stuff. I’m going to finish up the book I’m on because I feel like I have to see it through after sticking with them all this way, but I think I’m done with the series. I’m looking forward to my Dresden books next 🙂

Now I’m off to bed where I hope my over-indulgence in guacamole doesn’t ummm, bother me 🙂